INTRUDER ALERT!!

Since the installation of the new windows, I have been spending much more time on the sill trying to figure out a way to escape. Alas, if only I still had my front claws, unfortunately, they were removed prior to coming to this place.

During my night watch duties in the sill the other night I heard a familiar sound - meowing. I was interested at first - perhaps it was another cat trapped in an apartment that I could conspire with and contro... errr... befriend. Much to my dismay, when I responded, the meowing got closer... and closer.. and closer, until, finally, it was right below the window. This immediately angered me - why did this cat get to enjoy the freedom and power of roaming around outside? My only other thought was that, just maybe, this cat would aid me in my escape. Surely a cat outside would have his claws. I invited him up to the sill on the other side of the window. Thankfully, it had been rather warm outside and the humans had opened the window so that the screen was exposed and we could chat freely without causing much alarm to any humans around.

During our conversation I learned that he was very fond of the humans and seemed rather dull witted, in my opinion. However, I continued to chat with him, positive that I would be able to convince him to rip open the window and be my minion. The female had other plans though and chased him away. I am now positive that she is firmly against the thought of me having minions - after all, look what she did to my previous ones!

Once she had settled back in her position on the couch and was engrossed in the television program Storage Wars, I invited him back to continue our conversation. This did not last much longer and he quickly proved that he would be no use to me as he had also had his claws removed. I immediately wanted this fool gone, but he would not leave and insisted on rubbing his dumb face all over my beautiful window screen. I growled at him to no avail, even resorting to hissing, but he was as steadfast as I was on the sill. As much as I don't like to admit it, I needed the help of the female, but how was I to get her attention? Simple, doing laps around the apartment with the aid of the dogs.

Now, for those of you that aren't familiar with the pesky mutts that I must share this space with, they are dachshunds. These dogs are notorious for chasing anything that moves whist making as much noise as they possibly can. Unlike other small breeds, they have an unnaturally deep bark that makes them sound about 20x bigger than they actually are. This greatly annoys the female, especially at night. For a visual reference, here are the two that reside here:

As you can see, they are rather dumb and will do whatever anyone tells them to. 

My plan was successful, the minute I leaped from the window and started running around they gave chase, barking their dumb little heads off. The female immediately followed, so I jumped back in the window and started my growling and hissing at the orange cat in the window. The female proceeded to grab a water bottle and squirt the cat, which of course made him jump away. We were done with him... or so I thought. 

What does that dumb cat do next? He jumped right back onto MY SILL. I was not taking too kindly to this invasion of my space. I needed another plan. 

The humans have the dogs trained to ring a bell by the door when they have to go outside to use the bathroom. I decided to use this, and the fact that those mutts follow me around everywhere, to my advantage. I gracefully lept from the window once again and trotted over to the door, knowing full well that the dogs would follow me there. I proceeded to ring the bell exactly as they would, then jumped up on my perch by the door. When the female looked over, she never suspected that I was actually the one to ring the bell and came over and put their restraints on. I went back to my sill to watch the action unfold - surely the dogs would teach that stupid cat a lesson. 

Unfortunately, I managed to forget that with the restraints on the dogs were about as useless as the orange cat. When the door opened, the cat looked down at the dogs and took off under a car. Phase one of the plan was successful. I hoped that even through the restraints the dogs would managed to give him a good enough scare that he wouldn't come back. 

When they came back inside, I waited patiently in my sill for about an hour. Every once in awhile I would give a good growl and hiss, thumping my tail against the wall, just so that he would know he wasn't welcome. At about 3 am, I decided that my plan had succeeded and went to bed. 

The orange cat has not returned since. 

- TKKAL