My Nearly Successful Attempt At Escape

This was my second attempt this week, however both attempts have proven futile and I'm not positive that I should continue at this point. If I do, the humans may begin to inspect everything that leaves the confines of the apartment and I will have no chance.

If anyone is interested in this attempt, I will explain my plan.

The humans have been busy the past few days, they seem to be purging their living space of anything "unnecessary" and putting those things in a box labelled "donations". I suspected that this box may be leaving the premises, and thought that it was the perfect opportunity to rid myself of the humans and the pesky mutts. What a joy that would be; no more dogs chasing me around, no more being told "bad kitty, you're going to break that", the world would be my litterbox.

I managed to "borrow" the female's camera and take this picture, using the self timer on the camera of course, to illustrate my escape.

In case you were wondering, I was not planning on showing my body whist hiding in this box. However, my plan was thwarted once again when the humans decided not to go to Goodwill that day. I ended up hiding in the box for hours, only to realize after they had gone to sleep, that I was not going anywhere.

I have decided to resume my current position here for the time being, after all, I  do get free food and what not... at least until the next opportunity arises.

-TKKAL

Sweet, Sweet Freedom

I managed to escape today.

The female was going to "check the mail", so I slipped out when the door was open. Unfortunately for me, she saw me and gave chase. I quickly darted down the hall, hoping that she would tire and give up when, all of a sudden, a door opened and there was a rather large scary man standing there. I immediately bolted in the opposite direction, when I saw the female I bolted the other way and encountered the man again. I was stuck. The female captured me, much to my displeasure. I attempted one last shot at freedom by screeching loudly and using my back claws to scratch, but alas, here I am, sitting at the female's computer tell you all about my missed chance at freedom.

All was not lost though, I did manage to get her pretty good on her neck and her stomach. Hopefully, those will scar and she will be permanently have the mark of TKKAL on her, much like Zorro.

-TKKAL

Blogger? Tumblr? Twitter?

Why does everything end in an r, or er, sound? Perhaps it's easier for humans to pronounce those noises... whatever the case may be, I have now joined a few more sites to help spread my message and convert fellow kittens and cats to master human controllers. I am well on my way, and you can be too!

My "Twitter" and "Tumblr" accounts are linked together, it seems that if I post on one, the other is updated as well. In either case, leikikiki.tumblr.com is the Tumblr account and twitter.com/leikikiki is the Twitter account. I suspect that they will be updated nearly daily and they will alert you to new blogs on here.

If I ever figure out what an RSS feed is, perhaps I will be able to connect all accounts, but for now, this seems to work well. Feel free to follow on any of the accounts, I am currently resisting the urge to steal the female's chequebook and give prizes for retweets, but that may come in the near future... I just need to figure out a way to hold a pen.

-TKKAL

No More Dogs!

My plan has been working, the dogs are now out of the home. I am hoping it is forever, however the humans keep mentioning them and how they miss them, so I suspect that they will be coming back at some point.

Since they have been gone I have been remodelling the apartment to my specific likings. I have successfully placed as many of the humans possessions on the floor as possible and also rearranged the pillows so that I can get under (and into) the couch again. They had put quite a few things in behind and along the top to try and thwart me, but it didn't work, and I can only assume that they haven't noticed as it hasn't been changed yet.

My plan until the dogs come over is to destroy things and hide them under the couch. Once the dogs come back, I will slowly bring things out and place them need the dogs when they are sleeping. The humans will see the dogs with the destroyed possessions and soon the dogs will be gone for good!

I see no flaws in my plan but I must be careful to execute it perfectly.

-TKKAL (aka Kiki Meow Meows)

They Are Gone...

Yesterday was absolutely horrible. The humans loaded me up in the "carrier", which is more like a rolling suitcase, and put me in the car. I attempted to undo the zipper on the way from the door to the car, but was thwarted by the bumps as the carrier was rolling along the ground.

We got to the vet where things only got worse. First, I was put in this big white thing while they weighed me. Don't they know you're never supposed to ask a girl about her weight? Well this was even worse because I had no say in it. Nonetheless, I was very good and just laid there.

Next, I was taken from the white thing and put on a big, cold, metal table. It was also very shiny, which was quite distracting as the light kept going into my eyes. While I was on this table the lady that was apparently the vet kept looking at my eyes, at one point she said I have the typical siamese "googly eyes". I DO NOT HAVE GOOGLY EYES! Dumb vet lady, obviously my eyes were going weird because the table was so shiny and because she had her face right in mine so it was hard to focus.

After making rude comments about my beautiful eyes, she started poking her fingers around my mouth and looked at my teeth. Apparently, I have very nice teeth. I suppose that partly makes up for the googly eyes comment. I was so stunned about it all that I missed the perfect opportunity to chomp down and draw blood.

I am having trouble deciding which of the next two things that happened was worse... first she stuck something up my bum, and then she stuck her finger down my throat to "give me medicine". I'll let you decide, it's too traumatic to even remember at this point.

My minions will be leaving me over the next few days. I am very sad about this but am seriously debating on leaving a big pile of them right on the humans' pillows. I also heard talk of a finger being stuck down my throat again in two weeks when I get more "medicine". Someone please send help. I cannot do this on my own. This has to be some form of abuse.

Oh, and to top it all off, the female took a picture of me while I was on the table. I think I will leave the minions on her pillow.

-TKKAL

(Leiki's "female" here... she doesn't think I know about this blog, but of course she isn't smart enough to clear her history after using the computer. Here is the photo of her at the vet, just to embarrass her a little. She's lucky I didn't take it while they were taking her temperature.)

My Minions...

The humans have caught on to the minions I have been shedding. They say that I'm going to the vet tomorrow so that they're all gone and I'll feel better. Obviously they don't know that I was putting them there on purpose! How else am I to figure out what they're up to when I'm not in the room? I suppose I'm going to have to look into a more technological way to monitor their behaviour now. Apparently, they do not appreciate having to feed the minions unknowingly as well. They say that they eat about as much as I do and apparently take some of the nutrients that I need. If I had known that I wouldn't have agreed to let the little buggers live inside of me.

Perhaps I should work on the pesky dogs and try to get them on my side now... Any ideas on how to train something that is more dumb than a brick?

-TKKAL

The New Way To Annoy.

I have found a new way to annoy both the humans and the stupid mutts. It works particularly well on the humans, as it obviously causes discomfort, but the beauty of it is, when the humans yelp out the dogs also yelp and bark! I must figure out if there is some correlation in their DNA that causes them to share feelings, or if the dogs are just that dumb that they yelp whenever the humans do so.

So here is my tip for fellow felines that want to harass their humans. First, you need to act all cuddly. When they are sure that you want to cuddle with them they will lay close to you, or perhaps even reach out to touch you. It is at this point that you attack. I have found out the hard way that it is better to attack hands and arms than faces. They seem to get overly angry when you attack their faces.

I have also perfected the best way to attack the hand and/or arm. First, grab the arm with your paws. If you have claws, this is the time to dig them in. Wrap them around the human's arm or wrist as tight as you can. The next step is to gently bite the hand, start off soft so that they think you are playing, when they begin to laugh start biting harder. This must be done quickly so that their defence system doesn't kick in. Once you begin to bite hard, you absolutely must also get your back feet in. I will refer to this as a rabbit kick, not because I am particularly fond of rabbits, but because it looks similar to what they do when they move around. This is the exact motion that you want to do with your back feet, make sure that your claws are out when you do this for maximum effect.

I must warn you though, most humans do not find this game as amusing as we do. It is imperative that you have a safe hiding place where the humans cannot get to you quickly. The longer it takes for them to get you out, the quicker their anger fades into concern for you, and the quicker you can repeat the attack.

I sincerely hope that you all enjoy this spot of advice and use it wisely,
-TKKAL

The Kitten Know As Leeks.

That's what they're calling me now. Leeks. How embarrassing is that? It sounds as though I am constantly leaking some sort of fluid, or that I cause the leaking of some sort of fluid. Of course, I do like the chew on things, but those things consist mostly of the female's hand and my own food, so I'm fairly certain that nothing is really leaking there.

In other news, I have figured out how to break into my food container. Seeing how the food is simply in a bag though I shouldn't consider this much of a feat. Although... I have been opening it from the seal rather than just chewing through the bag like the mangy mutts do... Anyways, this has caused the female great distress today. I am thoroughly pleased. She did not catch on right away, so I continued for about half an hour. She would come and close the bag, I would promptly open it and gorge myself, she would then scold me and tell me that I would get "fat", seal the bag again, then the process would repeat itself. She eventually figured out that she needed to move the bag out of my reach. I am determined this evening to access the bag. If this fails, I will keep her awake all night since I am positive she works in the morning.

She also keeps mentioning a "photo shoot" that she wants to do with me and the fish. Does she not realize what a bad idea this is for her? She will most certainly lose one of her precious fish during this process, and it will make a tasty snack for myself. Perhaps I should encourage this "shoot"...

I am almost positive that I mentioned the "gate" before. It's a small barricade that allows me to go into the human's bedroom but keeps the dumb dogs out. I found out today that there is a door in it! What am I to do if the humans leave the door open? Those stupid dogs will be able to come and go and I will have no place to go to avoid them! I swear, my dear readers, sometimes it is rather difficult living with all of these fools.

The female seems to be in an aggravated state this evening, so I must bid you ado before she catches me on her machine, as I'm sure that would just aggravate her further. Good night all,
-TKKAL

Why All The Changes?!

The humans keep changing things whenever I find something fun to do. It's really starting to get on my nerves.

The other day the female moved the human bedroom all around because I "keep doing zoomies over the bed and up into the window in the middle of the night". Apparently, that keeps them awake and they don't appreciate it. Little do they know, my plan was to keep them awake all along. Now that the bed has been moved to a spot that prevents me from doing this I have had to figure out a new way to keep them up, one that doesn't involve jumping up on the bed but that still allows me to go into the window so I can see what's going on... and figure out how to open it. I decided to run as fast as I can through the apartment, then, just before entering the bedroom, screech as loud as I can as I jump onto a chair and into the window. This had been working well, until they put a small gate up over the bedroom door. I think they thought it would prevent me from tearing into the bedroom at full speed and perhaps stop the screeching... they were wrong. They have just made me an obstacle course so that I may become more fit and agile. Perhaps I should knock down some things to create more obstacles for myself.

-TKKAL