Enough of that cheesy stuff now, onto the real post. As exquisit, inquisitive, single feline, I feel much the same way that most of the human equivalents of myself feel around this time of year. No, not the desire to be with someone, nor to fill my face with sweet things that some desperate soul brought me, rather how downright creepy the whole thing can be. I will now prove my point through the wonderful art of music.
Many of your "love songs" fall right into the creepy category. How many of you have listened to a song and said, "I wish my boyfriend/husband/whatever was like that"? To that I say, actually listen to the words - all of them. When you do this, you will realize that your dream significant other may very well be a perverted psychopath (sorry to any musicians that I offend with this post, perhaps you shouldn't take it to seriously... after all, I am a cat).
Example #1
The Police - Every Breath You Take
The female apparently remembers dancing to this at different functions during her youth, although I believe she was a tad too young for that. Who knows though, maybe 80s music made a comeback in the 90s.
This one is just too easy, I'm not even going to bother typing out all of the lyrics. Just pretend that you're saying these words to someone you love... right before they run away screaming.
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you
Can't you just picture Sting hanging around some bushes infront of your bedroom window muttering this to himself?
Example #2
This song is the one that brought on the idea for this entire post. The female is slightly addicted to CBC Radio 2 and has a bit of a crush on this guy's father, Leonard Cohen, even though he is old enough to be her grandfather (maybe we'll get onto that topic in another post... she also has a crush on Kris Kristofferson). So it's no surprise that when this song comes on, she starts singing along and probably dances, I'm not sure of that last part because I run out of the room whenever she gets up while music is playing for fear that she'll try to dance with me like she does with those mutts.
Anyways, onto the lyrics. This is just a small sampling, but pretty much the entire song goes like this. Google the lyrics or click on the link to watch the video.
I know how many years of French you took
your favorite movies, your favorite books
I know what really gets you going… glowing
I know where you go with your beautiful friends
I know what you taste like when the night ends
I know the kind of thing that makes you laugh
the way you tilt your head for a photograph
what other guy knows you like that?
And I can name the first guy you ever kissed
I can name the perfume on your wrist
What other guy knows you like that?
Very romantic in theory, who doesn't want a guy that knows everything about you? But think about it a little bit. How does he know all of this? Did he call your parents and ask? Did he break into your apartment or rifle through your medicine cabinet while pretending to pee? Did he look at every picture of you on Facebook? Yes, I do know this song is about a specific person, but still...
Example #3
I thought I'd add something a little more fast paced in here. The Ramones have long been one of the females favourite bands, she has a very eclectic taste in music. One of her favourite songs by them is I Wanna Be Sedated, I think she bops around the most to that one.
This first bit here reminds me a bit of what I'm told high school is like...
I saw her today, I saw her face
It was the face of love, and I knew
I had to run away
It was the face of love, and I knew
I had to run away
But then it goes to this...
I didn't think I'd do, but now I see
She's worth to him than me, let her go ahead
Take his love instead, and one day she will see
Just how to say please, and get down on her knees
Oh that's how it begins, she'll feel those needle and pins
Hurtin' her, hurtin' her
She's worth to him than me, let her go ahead
Take his love instead, and one day she will see
Just how to say please, and get down on her knees
Oh that's how it begins, she'll feel those needle and pins
Hurtin' her, hurtin' her
Yeah, I'm just going to leave this one at that. Draw your own conclusions...
So we go onto...
Example #4
You thought I'd ignore the creepy Canadian love songs just because I'm Canadian? Oh, how wrong you were.
The female has actually met Mr. Stochansky and seen him in concert on multiple occasions, she assures me that he is a very nice man, as I'm sure most of the artists that I've mentioned in this posting are.
It sounds like all Andy wants to do is save this poor woman from the seemingly shitty relationship that she's in.
If I were him,
I'd know your birthday.
Just what to get,
The colors you wear.
I'd know your birthday.
Just what to get,
The colors you wear.
We'd buy old bikes,
We'd ride on Sundays.
You'd review the books I sent.
We'd ride on Sundays.
You'd review the books I sent.
And I know,
It takes 22 steps,
From the walk to your door,
It takes 22 steps,
Because I've tried it before.
And one day I'll knock,
But just not yet.
If I were him,
I'd buy the raincoat,
The orange one,
That he forbade.
We'd wait for rain,
We'd walk by his house.
In the front,
Not by the lane.
He fanticizes how things would be if he was with this girl, but what if that's not what she wants? Maybe she doesn't like reading. Or riding bikes.
And finally...
Example #5
For our grand finale, we're going to now pick on Hall & Oates. I'll keep this one short.
You can't escape my
Private Eyes
They're watching you
They see your every move
Private Eyes
They're watching you
Private Eyes
Private Eyes
They're watching you
They see your every move
Private Eyes
They're watching you
Private Eyes
Enough said.
There were many songs that didn't make it onto my small list for one reason or another, mostly I wanted to include songs from bands that the humans actually listen to. Rest assured though folks, female singers and bands can be just as creepy. Don't believe me? Check out Blondie's One Way or Another.
That's all for now,
- TKKAL
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