I have succeeded in finding quite a few new ways to drive my humans insane over the past couple of days. I figured since I have just arrived here I should start immediately so that they are under the impression that this is how I have always been. It seems to be working quite well and I don't see how it could backfire.
Here is a list of things that will be guaranteed to annoy the humans:
1) Show the small dogs how to get into your covered litter box and eat your poop. This one was especially fun because the dogs then go up to the humans and lick their faces, only for the humans to realize after that they have little bits of litter stuck to their noses. The best part? The dogs get in trouble for it and not me.
2) Sit in a cardboard box that's been left on the floor and shred it. Even better if you can find a bottle cap near by to swat around on a tile floor while sitting in and shredding the cardboard box. It makes quite the mess and the noise drives them nuts, but you can't be blamed because THEY left the things on the floor. This also works with toilet paper and it's so easy because it just flys off the roll and it's in a holder. Bonus points if you can get the toilet paper all over the bathroom, including in the human litter box.
3) The one I tried the other day - wait until the humans are just starting to fall asleep, then jump up on the edge of the bed and stare at them until they wake up. They are instantly startled and have trouble falling back asleep. The more often you do it the more they begin to fear you. The closer you can get to their face the better, it has little to no effect if you are a few feet away.
4) Open as many doors as you can. Today I have successfully opened all of the bedroom closet doors, the hallway closet, all of the lower kitchen cabinets and the door to the bathroom twice - while it was in use. Even better if you can convince the dogs to eat the garbage that is located under the kitchen sink, then they get blamed for it.
5) Wait until the dogs are somewhat close to you and then hiss. Loudly. Do this often, sometimes even when the dogs are on the other side of the room.
6) Weave in and out of their legs while they're walking. Just be sure to get out of the way when you feel them begin to lose their balance. I have learned this one the hard way.
7) Kick as much litter as possible outside of your litter box. If you have a mat under your litter box you will need to put in extra effort with this one. It needs to go far. If all else fails and you cannot possibly get any litter out of your box, play with your water or food dish instead. The water is the best one because the humans usually don't see it until they step in it. The look of terror on their faces while they try to figure out if it's water or pee is priceless.
8) Lick their toes. If they are wearing socks, bite their socks.
9) Jump at random spots on the walls. If possibly knock down picture frames and wall hangings in the process, just be careful to be out of the way when they fall. I suggest jumping at 45 degree angle parallel to the wall to maximize effectiveness and safety.
10) Get onto tables and rip up or knock off as many things as you can. Tissues work very well. This works well if you do it multiple times, even better if you wait until they sit down again to get back up and continue. I have done this 3 times in the past 5 minutes, I am really enjoying myself.
Well I must get off the computer now to terrorize the humans some more, TKKAL
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